|
[08 Aug 2009|05:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
There For Tomorrow - Pages |
] |
I clearly dont write in this very often.
But,
ASDJSKLKLAKLSLK
Life is Great right now!
Everything seems to be working perfectly, I have the best friends and girlfriend in the entire WORRLD!
Uni's going awesomely. I'm way ahead and getting kickass results. ACU was the best decision I ever made, its opened my mind alot more to everything thats out there, and i'm so excited to be a part of it, and I want to learn as much as possible so I can be the best damn psychologist ever. And most of the people at ACU are great too! And my lecturers are so intelligent and passionate. It really makes a difference.
And things are looking upward too in the work-life area which I wont mention in here because I havent quite decided which action to take just yet but it's all pretty exciting :)
It's August, I'm down, but I'm really trying to stay as positive as possible, going to the gym is helping. And Kate's been absolutely amazing.
Also being stuck in a uni book most of the time helps too.
:D
Especially because psychology is fascinating! I LOVEIT!
|
|
|
[22 Jun 2009|12:26pm] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA MARSHAALLLL :]
Love you tonnes.
Have an awesome day.
<3
xx
|
|
|
[22 May 2009|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Linkin Park - New Divide |
] |
Things are great. Really great. :]
But, like always , I should be studying.
Off to study/sleep I go.
What a random entry hahaa.
|
|
| I'm bound to Cry, destined to Fly. |
[04 May 2009|09:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Madina Lake - Welcome to Oblivion |
] |
I'm really Happy. Despite my really intense mood swings which I guess will be there my entire life, i'm really happy with the way absolutely everything in my life is going. I am in love, Kate is everything I could ever ask for, I love her and trust her with absolutely everything I have and I really don't think thats ever happened before, it took me a fucking while lol, but I'm glad everything went the way it did because its made us that much stronger and now i'm entirely and utterly devoted to her baha and thats not going to change anytime soon., I'm on the way to doing what I love doing and cant wait to do, everyday, as a living, help others. I have the best best friend in the entire world and we have a friendship which is really amazing that I hope never ends. She means the world to me. My other friends are utterly amazing, I will always love each & every one of them and they will always have a massive place in my heart no matter where they are or what happens. I am listening to kick ass music right now. & its almost uni holidays.
I am just so happy with the direction my life is going in. And looking back on everything has shown me just how much everything really does happen for a reason, even if you don't like it at the time.
|
|
| Madina Lake.<3. I Love It. |
[04 May 2009|08:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
madina lake - Friends&Lovers |
] |
When I'm afraid the better days are never coming again,
I imagine your face and I keep on moving.
I'm bound to cry, destined to fly, and guaranteed to die,
but 'til the end, I've got your face, and I keep on moving.
I lost my mom when I was only twelve,
I was robbed with a gun when I was twenty-one,
I crashed my car when I was drunk again,
and now, got no friends, got no money,
but I keep on living.
You can build a life and have it broken down,
You can choose a path and get turned around,
You can hate yourself and fall in love again,
As for me, I've lost friends, lost lovers,
But I've still got my soul.
When I'm afraid the better days are never coming again,
I imagine your face and I keep on moving.
I'm bound to win, I'm bound to lose, and all the way, I'll have to choose
Sometime is right, more time is wrong, but I keep on moving.
You can build a life and have it broken down,
You can choose a path and get turned around,
You can hate yourself and fall in love again,
As for me, I've lost friends, lost lovers,
But I've still got my soul.
On a journey through my head,
I stumble on a mess
Where bad things from my past are buried, not dead.
They haunt me like ghosts,
Begging me to let them go.
But they make me who I am,
And I wouldn't change anything.
You can build a life and have it broken down,
You can choose a path and get turned around,
You can hate yourself and fall in love again,
As for me, I've lost friends, lost lovers,
But I've still got my soul.
But I've still got my soul.
But I've still got my soul
|
|
| from first to last |
[04 May 2009|11:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
from first to last - demo |
] |
Whisper sweet nothing's into your ear The kind I knew you'd always want to.. Oh wait but I was wrong You sold me out so fast Quickly inditing me into the shit that is your past Today you said, you said it's over At least I'll start aging slower Oh well lemme guess You're gonna fuck my friends, OD, and call me from the hospital You don't need to tell me what you're always wanting I think it's too obvious The scraps across the floor of self indulgent nonsense Feed the ego with the shit that you fear But don't you count me out before I get the last word in. Let's not pretend I'll go without a fight again Time and space You said you wanted Time and space You said you needed Time and space I never knew you were a physicist This time I swear I won't be gone This time I know I won't be wrong
|
|
| I love it. |
[24 Apr 2009|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Taking back sunday - sink into me |
] |
Taking Back Sunday - Sink into Me.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Come on, tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Things have gone so far
Yeah, tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Things have gone too far
You're all I see, sink into me
Sharpen your teeth, sink into me
Sink into me (sink in, sink in)
I'd like to see our roles reversed
To watch you hang on every word
I'd like to see you have your way
I keep my grammar well rehearsed
Correct each stutter, every slur
Come on and have your way with me
Now tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Things have gone so far
You tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Yeah, things have gone too far
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
You're all I see, sink into me
Sharpen your teeth, sink into me
Sink into me (sink in, sink in)
Well, I'd like to see our roles reversed
To watch you hang on every word
I'd like to see you have your way
I keep my grammar well rehearsed
Correct each stutter, every slur
Come on and have your way with me
Come on and have your way with me
|
|
|
[15 Apr 2009|11:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
God, Mel is highly intelligent.
I just re-read, well blurry read because I can barely see through my sleepy eyes, her last blog.
and it made me go "nawww"
and it also made me think.
Though my 21st was good and bad. I suppose thats the way everything is. Everything has it's good and bad.
I'm just going to try and look at it as another learning curve.
and I will try to look at what I have learnt from that night.
That night taught me I could trust Kate.
That night made me see who my true friends are. and now I know who to love and adore, and who I would do anything for.
And who isn't worth the time of day.
There, positives woot.
Kate+ness+steph+donna+adelle+mel+mel+family+jess+chris+adam = pretty much my entire world.
|
|
|
[15 Apr 2009|10:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i dont know |
] |
I dont really know what I'm trying to say here. and I know as we're approaching the winter months any entries I write in here, if im not hiding what I'm feeling are going to be somewhat depressing.
So I haven't taken my pills in a few days, or weeks. I'm losing track of time.
This is annoying.
I look around me and all I want to do is to just chill, to be happy like everyone else seems to be.
To not stress and worry that things are going to go wrong.
Everything. I'm so worried about everything. and everyone. What they are thinking. What they are feeling. What they are going to do. What they arent doing. Why they arent doing it. What to do. What to think. That im not doing things right. thinking things right. That i'm taking my life in the wrong direction. I'm so worried I feel as though I'm about to explode.
I want to not be brought down by every little thing. I want to be like everyone else. I cant handle my emotions. I can barely tell if i'm getting better or worse. They say bi-polar gets worse as you get older. I look back at memories from year 8 and 9 and fuck. I cant get worse than that. I've tried so hard to be happy for the past few years. It becomes difficult sometimes to distinguish whether I am actually happy or if i'm just trying my absolute hardest to be.
Everything can seem fine till one little thing tips me off the edge.
This is the way I've always been and I dont know how much longer I can take it.
I feel like when I'm not on my pills. everything around me crushes me. I hate it. I hate me being like this. It's pathetic. It's stupid.
I feel like i'm wasting what could be an awesome life full of happiness.
It barely makes any sense. I don't want to rely on pills my entire life.
I dont want to be bi-polar.
I want to be happy. just be happy. Thats it.
I would love to make that happen. And I try every single day.
But it seems nothing works that way no matter how hard I try.
My 21st made my faith in people spiral downwards even more. The disrespect that someone can have for another human being.
I dont understand it.
I came home that night and burst into tears on my bathroom floor [but it was prob like 5 minutes cos i was somewhat drunk]
I would never disrespect someone and their close friends and family so much, ever.
I would never disrespect anyone like that, whether I hated them, disliked them, loved them, liked them, knew them or didn't know them. No matter who it was.
So I don't understand how she could have done so?
I know alcohol had a big factor in it all.
I hate alcohol.
But to what extent can you blame someones actions on alcohol?
And now I feel as though I can barely face any of my family again.
I feel so embarrassed though I did nothing wrong.
I just wish sam wasn't there.
I just wish she hadnt've done and said all she did.
but on a positive note: Adelle.
I will never be able to thank her enough for coming.
Hell, it meant the world to me.
She had work till 5pm and still managed to come all the way from geelong.
I never really knew exactly how much our friendship meant to her, because with adelle, I guess it's hard to tell.
but i know it must mean quite a bit to her for her to have travelled so far.
[also everyone else that came from far. especially donna. and mel for considering it, though she had family stuff and I understand.]
And Kate,
I really think I love her.
I cant imagine being with anyone else. [though i know im not with her at the moment.. it will happen eventually.]
she means pretty much everything to me.
and I do trust her more than anyone.
and thats saying a lot.
she's pretty much amazing in every single way.
I really regret hurting her.
but it's shown both of us alot along the way.
So getting all this off my chest has made me feel somewhat better and hell tired. so this is all im gonna write for now. I know there is a million other things I'd love to unload, but I also know there are some things I'll never put in writing form.
|
|
| run away from this. fuckhead. |
[08 Apr 2009|09:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 fucking pissed. |
] |
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
dont you dare look at me with those watery crying bullshit eyes swearing to me your telling the truth when all your spilling is the LIES your trying to protect yourself with.
at least have the decency to fess up.
we all know the truth.
your full of shit.
|
|
| liar. fuckhead.slut. |
[08 Apr 2009|09:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
Did you think its cool to walk right up to take my life and
FUCK IT UP
well did you?
|
|
|
[05 Apr 2009|01:56pm] |
Fuck. I am so insecure and self- conscious.
Like no one has any idea.
It's like all I want to do is fix it, but all I'm doing is making it worse.
Its beginning to control even my actions.
[Or maybe.. it always has.]
It's like, I dont like anything about me. And I'm feeling some sort of hate and anger. And I just want to direct it out onto the world.
So I don't have to bring it all on to myself.
See, Fuck. I think too much.
I'm running out of pills.
But I'm feeling so low that,
I dont want to see a psych. I can only see them during times when I feel good and high and confident.
But at the moment, Im not feeling that.
It's times like these I just want to hide away.
I don't want to see anybody. And a Psychiatrist in an awkward feeling room?
Would be the last person in the world I'd want to see.
Not to mention I have no money to see him or to buy the pills?
FUCK. I worry too much.
whocares.
Can it stop?
|
|
|
[01 Apr 2009|04:39pm] |
|
Okay so. Everything is just pissing me off lately.
Well not everything, just someone. You: Geeze I never thought you were so cheap.
Girls that are up themselves are the worst kind.
And youve fallen hard into that category.
Have fun with your life full of controlling, manipulating and people using you for your body that you flaunt around facebook.In the worst way.
You make me sick.
|
|
| Karmas a bitch and so are you. |
[01 Apr 2009|03:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
I'll laugh myself to death.
God you were nothing but a waste of breath.
Come back to me when you've sorted your shit out.
Or if you need me to help you, I will.
Hold you high, I will.
But fuck, my respect is something your far from having.
If lies are the only things you can spill from your lips.
Then take a sip from the cup of honesty and come back and I'll wipe your slate clean.
Friends one day, is what we will be, if that words within your maturity.
|
|
| Kylie Jeanette Lawrence. kthanks. |
[30 Mar 2009|12:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Trapt - Disconnected. |
] |
You never listen to me,
You cannot look me in the eyes.
I have struggled to see
Why its so easy to push me aside....
I no longer believe,
that you were ever on my side.
How could you know what I need,
When I'm the last thing on your mind...
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
So disconnected, going through the motions again
So disconnected, everything goes over your head
So disconnected, you got me hangin by a thread
So disconnected, we run in circles again...
You dont really know me,
I dont think you ever even tried
We're on the same routine
Where you say you never have the time
What do you want me to be?
Do you want me in your life?
I feel so incomplete
you left me to fall behind
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
So disconnected, going through the motions again
So disconnected, everything goes over your head
So disconnected, you got me hangin by a thread
Its too hard to just move on
Its easier said then done
Its too hard to just move on
Its easier said then done
|
|
| curiousity kills. |
[30 Mar 2009|12:00pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Trapt - curiosity kills. |
] |
Somebody pull the world over my eyes
Ignorance is bliss I only wish that I'd been blind the evidence was left for me to find
Oh I want to let it go I want my peace of mind
They say to me that you should let it die you don't have to know the truth you don't have to
Waste your time
|
|
| i'm sick of writing every song, about you. |
[30 Mar 2009|11:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
trapt - wherever she goes |
] |
Hold Me under the Water
Your hands around my neck
Are you taking it out on me Cause we have nothing left
We both went through it
No use for regrets
The young and stupid
We can't forget
Well I will see you again
I will, I will find you
I'll will taste you again
I do, I do love you
Wherever she goes, ever she goes
I'll Be
Wherever she goes, ever she goes
I'll Be
Wherever she goes, ever she goes
I'll Be
Wherever She Goes I'll Be
Promising Forever
Starts with just a hope
Being together
Well that's a different road
Do you believe me
When I say I'm fine
What are you feeling
So deep inside
Well who should we blame
For our broken hearts
I wont let it tear us apart
You pointed your fingers
You made your demands
And now you have left it all in my head
I'll follow you
I'll follow you
And I will give you back that feeling
|
|
| Procrastinating. I'm excellent at it. |
[26 Mar 2009|03:23pm] |
|
I hate Bi-Polar.
It is FUCKERED.
I also hate the war, because it is the reason I have Bi-Polar. [Well the reason my grandpa did, but yeah.]
I feel, like shit.
So far away from everything and everyone.
|
|
|
[24 Mar 2009|11:10pm] |
I deserved it.
I will take it as a sign.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
michy_rainbow's journal