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Mich.

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Victim. [08 Aug 2010|10:12pm]
[ mood | down ]

Avenged Sevenfold - Victim.
These lyrics are beautiful. And so sad.
RIP Jimmy 'the rev' Sullivan.

House full of roses
a letter on the stairs
a tape full of messages
for anyone who cares
close your broken words
and stories full of tears
rememberin your life
cause we wish you were here

nothing is harder
than to wake up all alone
realize its not ok
its the end of all you've known
time keeps passing by
but it seems a frozen still
scars are left behind
but some too deep to feel

and some say this cant be real
and ive lost my power to feel, tonight
we're all just victims of a crime

When all is gone and cant be regained
we cant seem to shelter the pain inside
we're all just victims of a crime

somedays you will find me
in a place i like to go
ask questions to myself
bout the thing ill never know
whats left to find
cause i need a little more
i need a little time
can we even up the score?

and some say this cant be real
and ive lost my power to feel, tonight
we're all just victims of a crime

When all is gone and cant be regained
we cant seem to shelter the pain inside
we're all just victims of a crime

and nothing last forREVer :)
for all good things its true
id rather trade it all
for somehow saving you
and must have been the season
that threw us out of line
once i stood so tall
now im searching for our sign

so dont need your salvation
with promises and kind
and all those speculations
save it for another time

cause we all need a reason
a reason just to stay
well some just cant be bothered
to stick around another day

and some say this cant be real
and ive lost my power to feel, tonight
we've all been victims of a crime

When all is gone and cant be regained
we cant seem to shelter the pain inside
we've all been victims of a crime
victims of a crime
living with this crime


i'm missing you (3x)

Bite Me

Maybe it's time to change... [04 Jul 2010|09:29am]
I realized yesterday that I'm not the person I want to be.
Well I am, mostly.
But when it comes to hurting others.. I hurt people, too often?
I know people say, you cant make everyone happy. And I guess that is right?

But all the harsh words thrown at me over the past few months, weeks and days from Kate.
I guess I didn't realize how much I was hurting her, still.
I feel shit for not realizing, not thinking.

I'm trying my very best to be the best person I possibly can be.
Is that still not good enough?

The things she said to me yesterday. It cut deep.
It made me think.
I guess that was what she was trying to do?
I dont really know exactly what her intention was :/
i DONT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS FROM ME?

I barely talk to her. I stay out of her way.
I made a mistake, i brought Kat over, once.
Thought it wouldnt be such a big deal, apparently it was.

I wont bring her round again.
what more is there I can do?

Fuck.
Bite Me

[30 Jun 2010|01:33am]
I think i'm going to write in here again.
I'm not really sure why.
I have so much to express.
And no-one I can express it too? or something.

I feel like I'm losing touch, with people.
Like I want to reach out.
I open my mouth to say something, or I pause, but nothing comes out.
Like theres this massive barrier, I cant break through it anymore.

I'm back on my meds again.
It seems they really clear my mind.
I think I'm becoming really reliant on them.
They make me realize how bad I was.
The difference is intense.

Because I couldn't even write.
There was so many thoughts racing through my mind.
I couldn't keep up.

I'll say one thing, and mean another.
I didn't even know what I meant anymore.

But now I can write.
Everything just comes out.
Perfectly.
I close my eyes then I write five lines.
Simple.
Bite Me

[04 Apr 2010|10:27am]
[ mood | interested ]

It's pretty funny.

How I go through the exact same thing, at exactly the same time, every year.

I've read back to my old LiveJournal entries.

and, It's really made me think.


I could predict how I'm going to feel, in the future.

From the past.

Truly Fascinating.

I think I'm going to keep a journal or something. And track how im feeling.
and compare it over the years.

Because theres a pattern emerging....

Bite Me

This is totally me. Pretty much couldnt have summed myself up better. The 'Idealist Counselor' [18 Mar 2010|04:38pm]
[ mood | amazed ]


Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.


Bite Me

[22 Jun 2009|12:26pm]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA MARSHAALLLL :]


Love you tonnes.


Have an awesome day.


<3

xx
1 Bite Mark|Bite Me

[22 May 2009|09:37pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Things are great. Really great. :]

But, like always , I should be studying.


Off to study/sleep I go.

What a random entry hahaa.

1 Bite Mark|Bite Me

Madina Lake.<3. I Love It. [04 May 2009|08:41pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

When I'm afraid the better days are never coming again,
I imagine your face and I keep on moving.
I'm bound to cry, destined to fly, and guaranteed to die,
but 'til the end, I've got your face, and I keep on moving.

I lost my mom when I was only twelve,
I was robbed with a gun when I was twenty-one,
I crashed my car when I was drunk again,
and now, got no friends, got no money,
but I keep on living.

You can build a life and have it broken down,
You can choose a path and get turned around,
You can hate yourself and fall in love again,
As for me, I've lost friends, lost lovers,
But I've still got my soul.

When I'm afraid the better days are never coming again,
I imagine your face and I keep on moving.
I'm bound to win, I'm bound to lose, and all the way, I'll have to choose
Sometime is right, more time is wrong, but I keep on moving.

You can build a life and have it broken down,
You can choose a path and get turned around,
You can hate yourself and fall in love again,
As for me, I've lost friends, lost lovers,
But I've still got my soul.

On a journey through my head,
I stumble on a mess
Where bad things from my past are buried, not dead.

They haunt me like ghosts,
Begging me to let them go.
But they make me who I am,
And I wouldn't change anything.


You can build a life and have it broken down,
You can choose a path and get turned around,
You can hate yourself and fall in love again,
As for me, I've lost friends, lost lovers,
But I've still got my soul.
But I've still got my soul.
But I've still got my soul

Bite Me

from first to last [04 May 2009|11:18am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Whisper sweet nothing's into your ear

The kind I knew you'd always want to..

Oh wait but I was wrong

You sold me out so fast

Quickly inditing me into the shit that is your past

 

Today you said, you said it's over

At least I'll start aging slower

Oh well lemme guess

You're gonna fuck my friends, OD, and call me from the hospital

 

You don't need to tell me what you're always wanting

I think it's too obvious

The scraps across the floor of self indulgent nonsense

Feed the ego with the shit that you fear

But don't you count me out before I get

the last word in. Let's not pretend

I'll go without a fight again

 

Time and space

You said you wanted

Time and space

You said you needed

Time and space

I never knew you were a physicist

 

This time I swear I won't be gone

This time I know I won't be wrong

Bite Me

I love it. [24 Apr 2009|04:55pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Taking Back Sunday - Sink into Me.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Come on, tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Things have gone so far
Yeah, tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Things have gone too far

You're all I see, sink into me

Sharpen your teeth, sink into me
Sink into me (sink in, sink in)

I'd like to see our roles reversed
To watch you hang on every word
I'd like to see you have your way
I keep my grammar well rehearsed

Correct each stutter, every slur
Come on and have your way with me

Now tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Things have gone so far
You tell me that you’re better
And you rather just forget that
Yeah, things have gone too far

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

You're all I see, sink into me
Sharpen your teeth, sink into me
Sink into me (sink in, sink in)

Well, I'd like to see our roles reversed
To watch you hang on every word
I'd like to see you have your way
I keep my grammar well rehearsed
Correct each stutter, every slur

Come on and have your way with me
Come on and have your way with me

Bite Me

[21 Apr 2009|01:13pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

This is for my future reference, and if anyone, for some strange reason wants to see what I was like as an immature 16 year old [immature...very] baha. these are my old livejournals that i can think of. anyone can think of anymore let me know cos i dont remember and i wanna find them :]
its actually quite funny reading back. god i was such a sook :]
clearly arent anymore baha, well am not so bad.
here they are: [i swear there was heaps more, i was so fussy and always changed it, but i duno wot they were.]


empty__promises   [but it got deleted, laamee.]

xjustxaxmem0ryx 

thiscouldbel0ve 

endofyourlife 

Bite Me

[15 Apr 2009|10:31pm]
[ mood | i dont know ]

I dont really know what I'm trying to say here. and I know as we're approaching the winter months any entries I write in here, if im not hiding what I'm feeling are going to be somewhat depressing.
So I haven't taken my pills in a few days, or weeks. I'm losing track of time.
This is annoying.
I look around me and all I want to do is to just chill, to be happy like everyone else seems to be.
To not stress and worry that things are going to go wrong.
Everything. I'm so worried about everything. and everyone. What they are thinking. What they are feeling. What they are going to do. What they arent doing. Why they arent doing it. What to do. What to think. That im not doing things right. thinking things right. That i'm taking my life in the wrong direction. I'm so worried I feel as though I'm about to explode.
I want to not be brought down by every little thing. I want to be like everyone else. I cant handle my emotions. I can barely tell if i'm getting better or worse. They say bi-polar gets worse as you get older. I look back at memories from year 8 and 9 and fuck. I cant get worse than that. I've tried so hard to be happy for the past few years. It becomes difficult sometimes to distinguish whether I am actually happy or if i'm just trying my absolute hardest to be.
Everything can seem fine till one little thing tips me off the edge.
This is the way I've always been and I dont know how much longer I can take it.
I feel like when I'm not on my pills. everything around me crushes me. I hate it. I hate me being like this. It's pathetic. It's stupid.
I feel like i'm wasting what could be an awesome life full of happiness.
It barely makes any sense. I don't want to rely on pills my entire life.
I dont want to be bi-polar.
I want to be happy. just be happy. Thats it.
I would love to make that happen. And I try every single day.
But it seems nothing works that way no matter how hard I try.

My 21st made my faith in people spiral downwards even more. The disrespect that someone can have for another human being.
I dont understand it.
I came home that night and burst into tears on my bathroom floor [but it was prob like 5 minutes cos i was somewhat drunk]
I would never disrespect someone and their close friends and family so much, ever.
I would never disrespect anyone like that, whether I hated them, disliked them, loved them, liked them, knew them or didn't know them. No matter who it was.
So I don't understand how she could have done so?
I know alcohol had a big factor in it  all.
I hate alcohol.
But to what extent can you blame someones actions on alcohol?

And now I feel as though I can barely face any of my family again.
I feel so embarrassed though I did nothing wrong.
I just wish sam wasn't there.
I just wish she hadnt've done and said all she did.


but on a positive note: Adelle.
I will never be able to thank her enough for coming.
Hell, it meant the world to me.
She had work till 5pm and still managed to come all the way from geelong.
I never really knew exactly how much our friendship meant to her, because with adelle, I guess it's hard to tell.
but i know it must mean quite a bit to her for her to have travelled so far.
[also everyone else that came from far. especially donna. and mel for considering it, though she had family stuff and I understand.]

So getting all this off my chest has made me feel somewhat better and hell tired. so this is all im gonna write for now. I know there is a million other things I'd love to unload, but I also know there are some things I'll never put in writing form.

Bite Me

run away from this. fuckhead. [08 Apr 2009|09:54am]
[ mood | fucking pissed. ]

LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR
LIAR

dont you dare look at me with those watery crying bullshit eyes swearing to me your telling the truth when all your spilling is the LIES your trying to protect yourself with.



at least have the decency to fess up.
we all know the truth.
your full of shit.

Bite Me

liar. fuckhead.slut. [08 Apr 2009|09:46am]
[ mood | angry ]

Did you think its cool to walk right up to take my life and

FUCK IT UP


well did you?

Bite Me

[05 Apr 2009|01:56pm]
Fuck. I am so insecure and self- conscious.

Like no one has any idea.


It's like all I want to do is fix it, but all I'm doing is making it worse.


Its beginning to control even my actions.
[Or maybe.. it always has.]


It's like, I dont like anything about me. And I'm feeling some sort of hate and anger. And I just want to direct it out onto the world.
So I don't have to bring it all on to myself.

See, Fuck. I think too much.

I'm running out of pills.
But I'm feeling so low that,
I dont want to see a psych. I can only see them during times when I feel good and high and confident.
But at the moment, Im not feeling that.
It's times like these I just want to hide away.
I don't want to see anybody. And a Psychiatrist in an awkward feeling room?
Would be the last person in the world I'd want to see.
Not to mention I have no money to see him or to buy the pills?


FUCK. I worry too much.



whocares.





Can it stop?
2 Bite Marks|Bite Me

[01 Apr 2009|04:39pm]

Okay so.

Everything is just pissing me off lately.

Well not everything, just someone.

You: Geeze I never thought you were so cheap.
Girls that are up themselves are the worst kind.
And youve fallen hard into that category.
Have fun with your life full of controlling, manipulating and people using you for your body that you flaunt around facebook.In the worst way.

You make me sick.

Bite Me

Karmas a bitch and so are you. [01 Apr 2009|03:59pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I'll laugh myself to death.
God you were nothing but a waste of breath.

Come back to me when you've sorted your shit out.
Or if you need me to help you, I will.
Hold you high, I will.
But fuck, my respect is something your far from having.
If lies are the only things you can spill from your lips.
Then take a sip from the cup of honesty and come back and I'll wipe your slate clean.

Friends one day, is what we will be, if that words within your maturity.

Bite Me

Kylie Jeanette Lawrence. kthanks. [30 Mar 2009|12:37pm]
[ mood | cold ]

You never listen to me,
You cannot look me in the eyes.
I have struggled to see
Why its so easy to push me aside....

I no longer believe,
that you were ever on my side.
How could you know what I need,
When I'm the last thing on your mind...

Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you

So disconnected, going through the motions again
So disconnected, everything goes over your head
So disconnected, you got me hangin by a thread
So disconnected, we run in circles again...

You dont really know me,
I dont think you ever even tried
We're on the same routine
Where you say you never have the time

What do you want me to be?
Do you want me in your life?
I feel so incomplete
you left me to fall behind

Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you
Too out of touch, out of touch to touch you

So disconnected, going through the motions again
So disconnected, everything goes over your head
So disconnected, you got me hangin by a thread

Its too hard to just move on
Its easier said then done
Its too hard to just move on
Its easier said then done
Bite Me

curiousity kills. [30 Mar 2009|12:00pm]
Somebody pull the world over my eyes
Ignorance is bliss I only wish that I'd been blind the evidence was left for me to find
Oh I want to let it go I want my peace of mind
They say to me that you should let it die you don't have to know the truth you don't have to
Waste your time
Bite Me

i'm sick of writing every song, about you. [30 Mar 2009|11:54am]
[ mood | okay ]

Hold Me under the Water
Your hands around my neck
Are you taking it out on me
Cause we have nothing left

We both went through it
No use for regrets
The young and stupid
We can't forget


Well I will see you again
I will, I will find you
I'll will taste you again
I do, I do love you


Wherever she goes, ever she goes
I'll Be
Wherever she goes, ever she goes
I'll Be
Wherever she goes, ever she goes
I'll Be
Wherever She Goes I'll Be

Promising Forever
Starts with just a hope
Being together
Well that's a different road

Do you believe me
When I say I'm fine
What are you feeling
So deep inside

Well who should we blame
For our broken hearts
I wont let it tear us apart
You pointed your fingers
You made your demands
And now you have left it all in my head
I'll follow you
I'll follow you

And I will give you back that feeling
Bite Me

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